I recently made a post on how you shouldn’t let fear rule your life.
Well, I think this might become something of a theme with me. So get used to it. On with round two!
Fear doesn’t just rule your life, it ends up influencing the lives of those around you, too. Think about this situation:
Someone has a fear, something that is exercising a measure of restriction over their life. A person close to them has to deal with this, if not every day, then certainly on a regular basis.
So, not only are you struggling against that issue, it is being forced on the people around you, whether you want to or not, whether you mean to or not, it’s happening, regardless.
Say for example, that you have to have someone with you while you’re eating. You can’t eat alone, but at the same time, you can’t not eat. It’s not just that it would feel weird, sitting at an empty table, one lone table mat, one solitary spoon, a single bowl, a lonesome cup; it’s the whole social convension of the thing. If there are several people in a house, surely it is expected that they would eat together. No? Why not? And if you were to strike out on your own, let that cup have a friend in the shape your hand wrapped around it, that spoon find a home that isn’t chatting to someone at the same time, then how would other people react? Would they question you? What did you have? When? Why did you sit on your own and not wait til other people were about? Did you actually have something or are you just pretending you did?
So you have this inner turmoil. Then demand someone have breakfast with you.
Herein lies the problem.
What if the other residents of the household do not want to have breakfast at the same time as you? But you have to have it at a certain time. What will happen if you let them have a lie-in and have it later? Who knows? Maybe nothing. Maybe something terrible. On and on it goes. The mental carousel from hell.
Even though for you, this seems like a huge deal that only you are dealing with, the necessity of having something done at a certain time, in a certain way, with the situation just the way you want it, this is not you exerting control – this is a part of your brain malfunctioning and controlling you and the people around you. As an individual, you have no influence here. You won’t, until you start fighting back.
It isn’t unusual for people to struggle. Everyone has struggles, whether that be with their mental health, physical health, work, body image, heights, hygiene, mobility… Any of these can be catastrophic for the sufferer but impact everyone. Think about it in the above example. You have to have someone with you all the time. That is going to get tiring, for everyone concerned, even though you are only doing it with the best of intentions, for reasons which seem right.
So, to combat these problems you engage in behaviours, routines. It could be anything from waiting til people are out of the house before having your breakfast to dragging them out of bed, fully against their will.Think about how these impulses effect the people around you. You are just trying to get things done properly and avoid the fear that comes from not having them done right. So what if it’s not bothering them. It bothers you.
There are certain conditions, such as Eating Disorders and Obsessive Compulsive Disorders, Attention Deficit Disorder and Anxiety Disorders, that mean that familys are often more accepting of such bizzare behaviour. The idea is that you can’t help it, but that you are trying to and for the most part, that’s enough to satiate their corresponding impulse to wring you bloody neck!
But stress gets to us all. There will be times when the pressure of having to get up at whatever time has been deemed the “correct” time just isn’t going to work for everyone. If an argument kicks off there is one vital thing to remember;
Your loved one is not yelling at you, they are yelling at the fear controlling you. Controlling both of you.
Remind yourself of that, and maybe, just maybe, the fear of everything collapsing in on itself will get a little bit less.
And try having your breakfast on your own. The first step.