Hey Hey Guys!!
So I’ve decided to partake of the #Stoptober. Yes, my grammar is fabulous.
Yeah, so I have decided to stop smoking. I was never a heavy smoker, at most, 8 a day and I was on really cheap tobacco. I’m talking £3 a pack and buying it once or twice a week. I’ve had numerous people ask me why I even bother smoking.
The truth is, I like smoking. I enjoy it. Or at least, I used to. A couple of weeks ago I had a roll up in my hand and I just thought, “I don’t want this. In fact, I don’t want any of these. Imma put this out and go back inside.” So I did.
Not the most inspiring tale, I’ll be the first to admit that, but you know what – screw you guys, we all have motivations behind our actions. At least I’m potentially maybe, sort of increasing my life span, or improving my health or the environment or something.
So if I don’t seem to care about the positive health implications, why am I quitting? Well, I’m glad you asked. (and if you didn’t, why not? It’s a perfectly logical follow up to my previous statement.)
Honestly, I just decided to give up. No shit. I have no deep, meaningful, touching reason, like I had a near death experience (I did, this summer, but that is a story for another time!!) or someone I love died because of smoking related illness, or even that I want to get healthier. I do, but that’s not why I’m quitting. I seriously just decided I don’t want to do it anymore.
Smoking, for me, is a strange one. I started smoking when I was 18 because I was stressed. I was on literally two a week. Then 2 a day. Then 5. And that was about it, to be honest. And I was smoking baby cigarettes! Like, tiny little, thin as a shoestring, roll ups. I was actually laughed at by other smokers when I went outside for a smoke. I often felt like a kid, thinking I was so cool, smoking, surrounded by adults, being an adult. I was party to all those interesting, intellectual conversations that were discussed while peering through a mysterious, grey cloud of lung disease, foul smelling to non-smokers, practically scentless to smokers.
There I’d be, puffing away as I walked down the street, smoking away my problems, using that little white tube as a coping mechanism for much greater problems. But now, I’ve found other, healthier ways to deal with those same stressors. I don’t need to smoke anymore. I have found other things to fill my life with that are feeding me better (you will know what I mean if you know me well).
For a while I have been smoking simply because I wanted to, not because I needed to. I wasn’t allowed to go outside for 2 months, this summer, for health reasons, and, as I was in hospital that whole time, I wasn’t allowed to smoke; and it didn’t bother me in the slightest. I sometimes smelled it on other people and felt a craving but once they left, I didn’t care anymore. I realised in that time that smoking is nothing but a “bad” habit. And I do use ” ” for a reason. Because yes, I do know that smoking is bad for you, believe it or not, I am a relatively intelligent person. However! I don’t think anyone has the right to preach so I’m not going to tell anyone they need to quit. Smoking has done well for me as a stress reliever and sometimes, if a little indulgence into a bad habit is what you need to get through the day, then I say go for it! Whatever it takes to get you through the hard times, sometimes. I know; I;ve been there.
I am giving up for the same reason that I took it up in the first place – because I want to.
I am saving very little money. £3 a week will go in a jar and I’ll use it for a night out at Christmas or something. But it’s really not the money that i care about, or even the potential health benefits. It’s simply that i am transitioning into another phase of my life, a new me being born into this world. And apparently the new me is a non-smoker.
So there you have it, my Stop Smoking Story. Do you have one? Are you quitting this month? If you need a little encouragement, message me on Twitter @gemc200 ! 😀