My Almost (Now Not) Apartment!

Hey Hey Guys!!

SO much has happened in the past few days!
I… moved out! BUT… I’m moving back home again in a few days. It’s so complicated, let me explain.
OK, so for the past god knows how long, I’ve been talking about moving out. It’s something I’ve just felt like I NEEDED to do, for my own well being. My parents and I have a, shall we say, complicated relationship (*ahem* we con’t get on, they suffocate me, and there are times when I genuinely fear for my sanity *ahem*).
So I found a flat in the city (Glasgow, I’m a Scottish lass, if you didn’t know), I arranged a date, I packed up all my shit and readied for off! But something just didn’t feel right. I had this feeling in my gut like nothing I’d ever experienced before that translated to my head that I was making the biggest mistake of my life. I thought, it can’t be because I’m moving out, surely? I’ve done that before! I moved to Barcelona(read about my adventures!!) for godsake and that was fine! I was perfectly confident doing so! But there was something wrong.
I couldn’t sleep the night before the move.I stayed up all night crying, wondering why I felt this terrible about something I had been so excited about, had planned for for so long. I could feel it in my very bones, so strongly, everything inside me telling me I was making a massive mistake.
 
This feeling continued right up to the point where I was literally packing the car and I was still humming and hawing, back and forth, on the verge of emailing the person who owned the flat and saying I wasn’t coming. But I pressed on regardless. I moved. Got all my stuff into the new place and that was that – I was moved in.
 
I stayed up, awake again, all night almost, with that same sick feeling in my gut. And there was no logical reason for it; or so I thought. The flat is perfect. It was as if someone reached into my brain and decorated the flat of my dreams and delivered it to be in a beautiful, cozy dream house, all for me. Studenty, but not too much. Tidy, pretty, relaxing colours rather like my room at home, a short walk or bus right into the very heart of the city – AND IT HAS GUINEA PIGS!! I fecking LOVE guinea pigs!! Perfect!
 
I had an appointment back home so I traveled back the next day and spoke to mum. Together we decided that I would move back as soon as possible. The minute we decided that, I felt this great swell of utter relief, like nothing I’ve ever experienced before. I felt dizzy from it. I knew it was the right thing to do. I don’t know why, after all this time, all this waiting and saving and hoping for the right place to become available, it was so wrong. It just was.
 
The more I thought about it, the more it made sense.
  • I only have 2 classes this term.
  • I’m only in 2 mornings and 1 full day, so I really don’t need to be in Glasgow for that.
  • I have other commitments but not so many pressing ones that I need to be living in the city.
  • I would be spending a tonne of money that I could otherwise be saving for… something. Maybe a holiday this summer?
 
But the main thing, the big one, is… that I hate my University course.
I started off loving it, but now, I loathe it. So, by staying in the city, I would essentially be paying a fortune to make it easier to do something I hate. So I paid for the week and now my parents are coming to get me at the weekend and I’m moving back home.
And to add to the shit storm of emotional upheaval, my psychiatrist has put me on anti depressants. On top of my anti anxiety meds, the vitamin supplements, the gut aids, the dietary assistants, the pain killers… I’m becoming something of a toxic cloud!
 
So that has been my crazy week. How was yours? And here are some pictures to show you the place I’ve been living for… well, I suppose it’s my flat for a few days.
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Living room

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Bedroom

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Care package from home

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First coffee and candle!

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Best. Body spray. EVER!

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GUNIEA PIGS!!

SSDD
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I Left It To You… Then I Went With Her…

I Left It To You… Then I Asked Her.

(click above to link to original post!!)

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I got in touch with the person about whom I was going to make a post. We had a really honest, open conversation and… She was open to the idea! 😀 Just not right now.

There was a condition attached to my posting the piece – that I post it, just not right now. The pictures of her are from a time in which soul deep wounds were inflicted upon her. She feels that it is important that the picture I have, and some others she intends to give me, are put out there at some point, as a point of reference for others who have suffered as she did.

But for now, the wound is too raw. So raw it bleeds. I showed her the words and she liked that they were not “jazzed” up, not “glitzed” for the sake of softening a difficult topic. It is the truth.

And when she is ready, I will be the mouth piece for her story.

Blogs are a wonderful thing. They give voices to the mute, give freedom and expression to those who feel the manacle-like grip of adamantine bonds. It is this that she is waiting for – her cue that she’s ready.

Right now she is working on breaking free from the bonds that bind her to those pictures. When she does, she’s going to need an outlet for that re-newed energy and life. Apparently, that’s going to be my job.

So if you want to hang around with me til then, I’m happy to have you. I’ll be ranting and raving on here til my hands are too arthritic to press the keys, at which time I’ll get some fancy pants computer that can be controlled with my eyes, and I’ll be shoving my opinion out there still! No getting rid of me. I just decided that in this case, it is best to help her heal, than to increase the Blogosphere. Hope you understand.

Let me know – do you think I made the right decision?? Love to know what you think!

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SSDD